A Joy Unspeakable

A Joy Unspeakable

Waiting.

Waiting at the stairwell’s highest railing.

Anticipating that first chance to creep into the dawn.

Tiptoeing in to find what kind of magic may be found,

And then…

A Joy Unspeakable.

Waiting.

Waiting at the edge of uncertainty.

Wavering between wide-open doors and unseen possibilities.

Daring to choose a step, take a path, make a choice,

And then…

A Joy Unspeakable.

Waiting.

Waiting for one so deeply loved, yet still unknown.

Aching for the moment of completion- not left lacking,

Wondering if the day will ever come,

And then…

A Joy Unspeakable.

Waiting.

Waiting through long months of anxious stirrings,

Falling daily more in love with new life made.

Pushing through the pain to find the miracle.

And then…

A Joy Unspeakable.

Waiting.

Waiting through life’s final winters,

Fading into night as light grows dim.

Passing through the dark into celestial glory.

And then…

A Joy Unspeakable.

Waiting.

Waiting long to meet the promised Savior.

Despairing over sin and death’s tight reign.

Then the voice of God in the cry of a baby,

Immanuel…

A Joy Unspeakable.

A Painful Secret

I used to say that spring was my favorite season- fresh breezes, sunny mornings, and new life sprouting through the ground and budding on trees. The song of spring is a song of hope. As years have passed, however, I have started to look forward to autumn. Fall finishes the story that spring began. The green sprouts and tiny beginnings of spring find the meaning and purpose of their existence in the autumn rain and the harvest that it brings.

There is just something special about this season. Maybe it is not the thought of ripened fruits that rouses excitement in a person, but something a little more practical. Everyone, to some extent, looks forward to that special moment when he discovers the first fruits of all his labor. Deep in the heart of a human is a piercing desire to know that all of his strivings in work, all of his efforts in supporting his family, and all of his investments will amount to something exceedingly worthwhile in the end. Underlying all the aspirations of mankind is a driving need for purpose and direction in life- a reassurance that this day-to-day existence is not in vain.

So what is the secret to a plentiful harvest? In the Gospel of John, chapter 10, vs. 10, the Son promises that He came to give life, and that most abundantly! Let’s face it, though, even for those who fully embrace His promises, the fruit is not always immediately evident. In one’s own eyes, the present circumstances do not always appear to line up with the promises of God. Where are His great, abundant gifts when hearts are broken, families are falling apart, or failure defines the workplace? Where is He when day-in and day-out, toilsome efforts amount to nothing but emptiness and discontent?

Do you want to know the secret of fruitfulness? Do you REALLY want to know it? The secret the Bible offers to a life of great abundance first comes as a shock to all who hear it. It offends and disgusts hearts that are unwilling to hear, but for hearts just desperate for the answer, the Truth takes root. For those who are ready, here it is:

“John 12:24~ Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

This verse clearly teaches that the key to an abundant life lies in death. In other words, in order to live completely, one must first die completely. This means abandoning one’s own selfish nature and learning to live solely by the power of the Spirit. This is not an easy truth to tackle! In a world that promotes independence and self-help, total abandonment of self to the Father appears foolish. In a society that screams for personal success, elevating Him above everything else in life is “naïve and distasteful” at best. Yet what the Son seems to be saying here is that by dying to the selfish human nature, one will actually produce MORE fruit. Why? Because it is GOD who causes things to grow.

The problem is that many people are functioning as though it were possible to be alive and dead at the same time. Everyone, in his or her own head, would agree that there are only two options; one is either dead or alive. That is why, when the line on the heart monitor stops fluctuating, no one dives in to perform emergency CPR. That is why no one would dare put a body in the ground if there were still even the slightest sign of a pulse or heartbeat.

There is no such thing as “mostly dead,” yet so many live as if there were. For example, one may be content enough to surrender control of his marriage, family, and health, but not the workplace. “God can have everything else, just not my job. I’ve got it under control, and I like things the way they are.” One might be happy enough to give up her possessions, her dreams, and her career, but not her children. “God, you can have all of me, just don’t take my children away from me, and let me raise them the way I feel is right.” One might trust Him with every last detail save one. “God, I will give everything. I will serve you anywhere. Just don’t ask me to go alone.” With this mentality, we walk through life like wandering zombies- “mostly dead,” but partly refusing to die. As long as we hold back, we cannot live the fruitful life that the Father desires for us. Do you want to see fruit in your life, your marriage, your family, your work? Ask the Father to help you die to self.

Last week I was suffering from an excruciating pain in my right shoulder muscle. I was so stiff that I could not turn my neck even a small degree to the right. It distracted me from everything I was trying to accomplish, and I could not function properly. As I sat on the couch in the office, a coworker massaged the area until she found a knot so big and so hard she could move it around. Immediately, she began pushing it down with two fingers as hard as she could. As I winced in pain, she explained to me that in order to get rid of this knot, a great amount of pressure must be applied to release the “toxins” in that area of the muscle.

The truth is that everyone walks around at times with giant knots in his or her life. It may not be apparent from the outside, but there are often one or two trouble spots that are causing all the pain and heartache. One may recognize those “knots” as the areas of life that are not yet surrendered to our Good Father. In order for that area to die, a great amount of pressure must be applied, and it will hurt.

If you’ve been wondering why you haven’t seen any fruit in your life lately, try asking God to reveal your “trouble spots.” It may be a horribly painful process, but the promise is that the rewards of joy, fruit, and fulfillment will far exceed every pain and discomfort you endure. I used to say that spring was my favorite season, but since then I have met with Fall. And I am convinced that although the song of spring is light and melodious, it would be nothing without the deep, strained minor notes of autumn that give the music its wings.

The Month of Sickness

If I had to label this month of November 2010, I would call it the "month of sickness." Not the most lovely name in the world, but one that describes it pretty well. Even now, it seems like sickness has crept over the whole Maadi area. It really is absurd the number of people who have been hit and forced to lay low for quite awhile. And sometimes when they are needed most. For example, my aunt Julie- whom I love very much- has had a lot on her plate over the past few months. She is the director of the women's ministry at our church and has been heavily involved in planning the women's community Bible study and organizing the annual Christmas Charity fair amongst many other things. And right in the busiest of seasons, she was taken out of commission. One evening she started feeling dizzy, the next morning her ears felt funny, and in a matter of three hours, she lost all of her hearing in her right ear. It is about 3 weeks later now, and the hearing has not returned. The doctors are calling it "Sudden Sensory Hearing Loss" and saying it probably won't return. But the hardest part is that the dizziness/balance has not improved either- leaving her to spend most of her days on the couch. It has been an incredibly difficult time for her, but she is holding on to her faith in our Brother. She shared about her trust in the Father through this hard time during our testimony service on Friday, and it brought tears to my eyes.

It seems the enemy is trying very hard to slow down the work that is being done in and through Maadi Community church, but even sickness and hardship, in the hands of God, can be used to make His body stronger.

When I was sick a couple weeks ago, I came down with a fever and really bad stomach issues. The doctor said it was either food poisoning or some kind of stomach bug. But it completely wiped me out. I was at the house of my friends Tim and Maia when it started. We were all watching a Christmas movie when I started shaking with the chills. It wasn't stopping, so I laid down in their back room. Tim drove to my Uncle's house and back to get a thermometer to take my temperature, and they called their doctor. They found a lab/clinic that I could go to in the morning, and then gave me 100$ in case I'd need it for the doctors since they were supposed to be leaving on a trip at 3 in the morning. Then they ended up deciding to stay home from their trip and texted me to see if they could come with my Uncle and I to the doctor's office. These are the moments you remember. These are the times when the love of our Brother is shown so clearly through His children.

Because I was recovering from this sickness, I missed out on the desert camping trip I was planning on taking with a group of friends. But since that group of friends has returned, each one of them has also gotten sick with stomach problems. I think it was my Father's protection against further sickness that kept me from going on that trip.

I'd say that your prayers would definitely still be appreciated as the sickness still seems to be going around and we're not all at 100% yet. Pray for health and protection. But also, praise the Father, that despite all the sickness... His work continues. The Christmas fair, despite the fact that Aunt Julie was taken out of the picture, was a complete success. Father raised up another group of women who took the responsibility and did a wonderful job organizing the event. I've only heard positive feedback. He's not limited by sickness or hardship, and for that I'm very thankful. :)

Thoughts over a Bowl of Cookie Dough

So, I'm sitting at the dining room table eating my roommate's cookie dough out of the bowl on a nice quiet Thursday evening. I don't know when the last time was that I spent a week night at home, and I am thankful for these quiet moments. The day hasn't been COMPLETELY quiet I suppose. It started with an epic battle against the ants in my bathroom this morning. I wiped them up 3 or 4 times, and they kept coming. Such determined little bugs! But I called for reinforcements and my roommate is supposed to be bringing home some ant spray tonight. So we hope they won't win the war and take over the apartment.

I have two roommates. Amber is 26- a Kindergarten Teacher at an elementary school in New Maadi. My other roommate, Meg, is a student at the American University of Cairo for the semester. She's really enjoying it and comes home with lots of stories. Most of the friends that Meg has made at university are Egyptian, and sometimes she brings them over to our apartment and I get to meet them. One of her best friends, Moe, comes frequently to help her study Arabic.

Meg often tells me about the conversations she has with Moe. She is very passionate about what she believes and talks very openly with Moe about her desires to love and serve our Brother. And when she speaks like this with him, you can imagine it causes tension. He cringes and says "Don't say that He is the Son of Dad." He cringes not because he is offended, but because he is concerned. GENUINELY concerned. He- like many of us in the "family" of believers- is afraid for his friend because he honestly believes she will not spend her eternity in heaven. He begs her to read passages from his book. He shows her videos online of testimonies of people who were not of his religion but then "found the truth." They move him to tears. Just like ours move us to tears. He tries to persuade in the same ways we try to persuade.

You know, it's amazing to me, how similar these two look in so many ways. Just the other day, I was walking back to my apartment on a Friday morning and passed the mosque that is right next door to our building. It's a pretty big mosque and its call to prayer has become a very normal part of our day- sounding very loudly in the mornings and noon and evenings. They have their services on Friday mornings, and as I passed by on this particular Friday, I peered in to see all the people. As I was looking in, a middle aged Egyptian man and his 10 or 11 year old son got out of their car and shut the door- walking up the steps in their "Friday clothes." And as I kept walking, a young Egyptian man in his early 20's or so came running by me, obviously running a little late and attempting to sneak in the back... and as the service gets out the families converse and socialize.... and how familiar it looks from the outside.

On the inside of the mosque there are countless people; but on the inside of the people, there is an underlying emptiness.

There are many M's, like my roommate's friend, who genuinely believe what they have heard all of their lives, and because of their beliefs, some of them are scared for us. They think we're lost.

What a strange feeling to be on the other side of things. Yet I have a relationship, and His Spirit lives in me- testifying to the Truth of His Word. We must pray for wisdom and revelation to penetrate the vale of darkness over hearts.

Well, I've finally put the bowl of cookie dough away (probably not soon enough), so I guess I'll sign off for the day. :) Blessings!

Running in Place

So I'm finding Sundays are the best blogging day all around. :) The days fill up so fast. It seems there is an activity that occupies nearly every night- except for Thursday and Sunday. Oh, how I have come to LOVE Sundays. Praise God that He instituted a day of rest for his people. I am learning more and more as I get older how important that day is.

This past week was a crazy one for me. Monday night life group, Tuesday night high school youth group, teaching Wednesday night at Middle School youth group, Thursday my last Arabic lesson for this level, and Friday and Saturday I had to run both services this weekend for the kids. I also was planning a Kidzone Teachers' meeting after the service Friday, just to be able to hear how things have been going and what needs/suggestions the teachers have for their individual classes.

I knew last Sunday, at the beginning of the week that it was going to be a crazy one, and I knew I would need extra strength and enabling from the Lord to accomplish everything that needed to be done. But did I prepare myself for it? Not really. You know that parable in Luke, chapter 14 about the man who sets his mind on building a great tower? And Luke says that of course if someone is going to build a great big tower, he would first sit down and estimate the cost and resources required to complete it. Well, I guess I wasn't the smart builder in this case. I knew I'd probably need a little more grace this week, a little touch more of patience, a much greater ability to focus, and a great level of energy than normal. I often know those things ahead of time, but what do I do about it?

Well, last week I simply chose to take things as they came. I made a giant to do list and started trying to work through them. Some nights I had to stay up late, so in the morning I'd roll out of bed and try to start all over again- my brain still swimming with thoughts and checklists. I just went through the week trying to keep my head above water. Finally, Thursday rolled around and my brain had taken in about as much as it could handle. I went through my to do list for the day and NOTHING was working. Every little thing was going wrong. I grew more and more frustrated. And instead of reminding myself that it's God's work and He will accomplish it, I kept fighting to survive. I tried even harder. And again, it was like there was a little invisible man following me around, thwarting or spoiling everything I put my hand to. And at the end of the day, I was about ready to scream into my pillow!

Sometimes I think I get so busy with "doing God's work" and "finishing my tasks" that I run on autopilot and think that it's all up to me to accomplish everything. I picture myself struggling in my own efforts- tiring myself out, toiling long, etc. and then there is God, who is just holding His strong hand on my head to hold me down and keep me from moving forward. Just until I am still enough to realize, I've just been wasting my energy running in place.

I work up a sweat and breath unnecessarily hard, until finally I look up into the face of a God who has graciously extended His hand upon my head to keep me where I am so that I can realize the futility of running on my own. He just wants me to look into His face and rest.

Knowing all that had to be done, I should have, like the wise builder, sat down and thought about what I would need to build. If I had, I would have realized that in order to function in God's strength and by His power, I'd need more time with Him. My work is nothing apart from Him. He is what gives it life, meaning, and purpose. He breathes, and brings life. He speaks, and brings things into being.

So this week, I guess its back to the drawing board. I'd like to be a little more prepared this week. Perhaps that begins with going to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier for a time of focused prayer with the expert builder? Guess I'm already failing that one tonight. ;) So ya, I guess this is goodnight?!!

God Stories

Ok, so this is almost embarrassing how little I update my blog. My last entry was in May, and it's October. You know, I guess it's because I was under the impression that I had to have something truly inspiring and life changing to write about before I made an entry, but really... I've come to the conclusion that is not necessarily true. I think sometimes the every day little incidents that happen on the streets, or in the office, or at home, or amongst a crowd of people- these little interactions and tidbits can sometimes be truly the most inspiring :) Because they are real stories about real people, in the practical- every day life.

We just started a new life group Monday nights for young adults at our church here in Maadi, and one thing that I really enjoy doing are "God stories." When we open up, we each go around the room and just tell one way we saw God through the past week. I LOVE the practical examples of His work. It is so encouraging because you see how His Spirit is STILL working in little ways every day! One of the guys shared about how someone did something to him on the soccer field that made him angry and he wanted to retaliate, but then the Spirit reminded him to "not let the sun go down while you are still angry" and prompted him to go talk to this rival. And he was able to share the love of the Father with this guy. Another friend in life group shared how God had revealed to him this week that it is possible to glorify Himself through the "daily work" he is doing at his job. He's started to see opportunities to build the Kingdom and is getting excited about it.

These are the things that keep renewing my faith. These little things are what remind me that the Holy Spirit is real, living, moving, working, renewing, empowering, comforting, convicting, etc. etc. He isn't passive or stale or uninvolved. He's fresh. And He's always working.

I realize that I need more of Him. I need more focus. I want him to somehow become the fabric of my life- interwoven through every circumstance, conversation, and life experience.

So anyway, I hope to be better at just communicating little God stories to you whenever I can. :) I hope it will be encouraging for you.

"That's Your Place"

Back in March, I did a kid's program called "Objective Detective." It was about a detective and his agent on a quest to uncover the evidence of an Unseen Dad. We had 10 precious children (all kids of workers throughout Egypt) who were our junior detectives for the week. So many of you were praying for them by name, and I wish you could meet them in person. I sent updates as to how each day went, but I want you to catch a glimpse of their personalities. I posted my favorite video to do just that. Isaac is a four year old boy with the cutest little British accent. He is the one giving the ants their places on the log. :) His sister Anna is next to him. David is the little guy crying "EWWWWW..." at the fact that Lauren's brother Jedidiah "eats ants." And then there is HIS sister Julia who is the one licking the knife and sticking it back in the peanut butter jar. :) I hope you enjoy their personalities. They were a great bunch of junior detectives, and I truly believe they saw a glimpse of the One who created them that week back in March. Thanks for praying.

Got A "Funny Feelin''"

Do you remember those two, young Egyptian girls I met unexpectedly a couple entries back? Well, just to update you, I met with them again a couple days ago. We had been in contact by phone a few times, but a couple days ago we met on road nine and went for a walk. We walked around the streets of Maadi, just talking and getting to know each other. We bought some Pepsi’s and then went and sat in a little garden area and just visited. They taught me some Arabic, and I taught them some English. Zee-Zee wanted to know how to scold a child in English. J She told me she has a four-year-old sister who is constantly getting into trouble, and she doesn’t like the way her mom punishes her with a beating. Physical reprimand is how most people choose to discipline their kids in this culture, but Zee Zee said she does not like it and wanted to know how to TELL her sister that what she is doing is wrong or not good for her.

My time with these two girls was very enjoyable, but what encouraged me the most was a comment that Hannan made when talking to me. She told me that when she first met me, she felt comfortable right away. She said, “I always like talking to foreigners, but this time I just had this feeling. I do not understand it, but this feeling, it told me to talk to you. I am not sure why, but it made me want to introduce myself to you.” My heart just jumped as the spirit inside of me confirmed the truth of what she told me. This “feeling” that she could not comprehend was the gentle prompting of my Brother’s spirit that I have come to know and love. I just wanted to exclaim, “I know what your feeling was!” But I was content in just thanking my Dad for hearing my requests and bringing me a couple Egyptian friends that are outside my Family. How faithful He is to answer when we ask according to His will! And how blessed we are to be a part of the work He is already doing.

I recently have started a Level One Arabic class. We have met three times so far, and I really enjoy going. I am learning a little bit more conversation and also starting to learn the Arabic alphabet and how to write. I’m actually finding that I look forward to doing my homework and going to class. I wonder how long that will last. ;) Regardless, I am thankful. I am also thankful that in 33 days, I will see my family again! Even for a short time (3 weeks), it will be a much-needed refreshment for my heart. Keep asking Dad to lead and guide my every step each day. Thanks for sharing with me in this work.

Finer than Silver

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,

and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the Father and find the knowledge of Dad."

-Proverbs 2:1-5

It really sunk in tonight as I was walking home from work and thinking about life:

I came to the conclusion that never before have I been in a season that required MORE wisdom, MORE discernment, MORE caution and MORE discretion in my daily life and relationships than I am in right now. As situation after situation popped into my mind of things that I am not sure how to solve or even handle, I realized that I need my Heavenly Father more in my life today than I ever have before. I thought about it even in just the events of my day...

My boss: We went to coffee and she started explaining to me major, heavy situations in her own life that are completely unknown by most people but cause her to live in a constant battle with fear. WISDOM. How do I share her load, Dad? How can I help her bear the weight of such uncertainty??

My Co-Worker and Good Friend: She sat down with me in lunch and cried tears of frustration. A constant conflict with her roommate. Hurt after hurt that has built up and surrendered to a deep resentment. "I'm done! I'm moving out. I'm giving up. How can I forgive someone who is not even sorry or asking for forgiveness? I can not!"

WISDOM. What am I supposed to say to her, Dad?? How do I remind someone about your grace and mercy who has so firmly decided she's thrown in the towel?

My Egyptian brother: A similar situation. Hurt after hurt that has quickly turned to a deep anger. We've had conversations about forgiveness and that true love is not just a feeling- its a commitment to love even when that love is not returned or received. It is sacrificial.... My brother hears, but he's done. He tells me he is done trying. Again, throwing in the towel.

WISDOM! How do I guide him into your truth, Dad, if he doesn't want to listen? How do I hurt for him and feel his pain, but speak truth to him at the same time?

It's like every day I need more wisdom. Even in the simplest interactions with strangers and acquaintances. I'm constantly facing decisions. When do I make eye contact? Do I smile kindly or just walk right by? In this culture, eye contact and friendliness can lead to misunderstanding-especially with the men. So even just walking to work..... Do I greet this person? Should I say something to that one?

A woman sees that I am a foreigner- probably poor, just wants money from me... How do I show her His love? How do I even begin to meet real needs? How do I engage in a culture that is so closed? How can I learn the native language if my job requires only English? How can I fulfill my Dad-given task to testify to Truth, when I am not free to speak it?

What is safe? Who can I trust?.... How do I be the person Dad made me, when so much of me is wrapped up in Him... and I'm not always free to speak of Him?.... Can the Good News be told through a simple life? WISDOM. WISDOM. WISDOM..... Day by day.... Moment by moment... I need more of it! I'm desperate for it.

And so on my way home from work, I clumsily found myself calling on my Dad out loud without realizing it at first... Dad, I need more wisdom! I need your discernment. I need your Spirit.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. " James 1:5-6

Unexpected Opportunities

I met a couple of curious Egyptian girls on the way to meeting a friend today. I was headed out for the day to have breakfast and talk business with a girl named Jessica who is helping me create and run a 5 day children's program/conference at the end of this month. We have less than three weeks to finish planning all of the lessons and activities, and put together everything we need. The time is getting short, and there is so much to do. So today we planned to spend the morning and early afternoon working out some of the details and logistics.

I set out on my way just before nine and planned on taking a taxi to her apartment. However, as I was walking to Road Nine, where I usually snag a cab, I heard a couple girls' voices behind me. I kept walking until they started trying to get my attention. People here will often call to foreigners in that way, with a quick "PSST..." noise to get them to turn around. I usually hesitate to give them my attention because many times they will just ask you for money. This time though, the girls were persistent, and eventually I heard an "EXCUSE ME...." so I turned around. They were two young Egyptian girls, dressed in their headscarves and long sleeved tunics. They looked like they may still be in school or just finishing up with school. They started talking to me, and surprisingly, they spoke English very well. They told me they just wanted to introduce themselves. They asked where I was from and where I was staying. Turns out they live just down the road from me. Said they had just decided they needed to get out and enjoy a walk for some exercise and would I let them walk with me?

Well, RARELY EVER does such an opportunity arise for me. In fact, that has been one of my greatest frustrations since I moved here to Cairo. I work for an international church- geared toward the foreigners who live in the Maadi community. My job requires me to work in the office from 9-5pm five days a week, and so my actual interaction with the Egyptian people and culture is limited. Primarily I work with foreigners of the same language and religious background. But my heart wants to engage the culture and interact with those who are different than I. What little interaction I do get with the people is hindered by the great language barrier that exists between us.

But here were two young girls, OUTSIDE my working environment, not from the same background, completely engaged in the Egyptian culture, but who spoke English wanted to talk with me. So, needless to say, I nixed the taxi idea. I enjoyed walking with them and getting to know them a bit. They are both 18 years old- full of life and enthusiasm. They helped me find my way to where I was going, and even paid for me to give my friend a call when my phone ran out of credit. They asked for my email and wondered if we could get together again. I do not know what will come of it all, but it seems as if my Dad may have dropped this little beginning in my lap. I have been intentional before about asking him for Egyptian friends outside of my work environment. And you can ask that with me! :)

And also remember to ask Him about this retreat coming up March 25-30. It will be called "Objective Detective" and we will be "uncovering evidence of the unseen Dad." :) Each day will be a different character trait. Day 1: Dad is holy. Day 2: Dad is in control. Day 3:Dad "sees me." Day 4: Dad is good. Day 5: Dad is love. Think and ask about these characteristics as we prepare for a great week and wait to see what He does. Thanks!

New Life Now Beginning

Happy March everyone! It's a new day, a new week, and a new month. So hard to believe it came so fast, but here it is. And Spring is hovering in the air. It's always been one of my favorite seasons- coming forth right after the long hard winters of snow and ice. The trees and plants that were once frozen in death come alive with the washing of new water and the healing warmth of the sun. The empty and frozen stick-like branches burst forth with blossoms and the birds start singing a brand new song never-before sung.

I didn't know if Spring would happen here- in this dry land full of polluted air and busy streets. There is hardly any green to begin with, and certainly no snow to melt away. There are none of the usual indicators- no groundhog to see his shadow, or to not see his shadow... No drastic temperature change. But still, I see evidence of a Spring that is coming. I see it on my way walking to and from work, when I pass the beautiful blossoming trees I never noticed in previous months here. I see it in the bright reds and pinks and purples and oranges of the boogumvillia flowers. I see it as I watch these two tiny street puppies I pass on my walk to work every day grow a little bit stronger. I see it when a Daddy passes by me- out walking with his dark, curly headed boy sitting upon his shoulders. Spring is about life and new beginnings. And though I don't see the usual physical evidences of the season here in Cairo, Egypt, I see the deeper evidences of it.

Just this past weekend I had the privilege of seeing Springtime in the hearts of a bunch of young MCC middle schoolers. 26 kids, (only 8 of them girls), all just reaching the age where they are starting to form their ideas and beliefs about life and important spiritual matters. They came to have fun, and we did! They wore me out with all their energy! :) But they also came and, I believe, were met by a Holy Father. One who intended to teach them about living as a part of the body of His Son. They learned about how to build one another up and how to encourage one another to walk the right paths. They learned about the need to confront problems in truth and love. And how to live as a TRUE family. I cannot say how each one was affected, but I know that our Holy Friend was moving throughout the weekend. He is doing something NEW, And I trust that He will finish the work that He has begun in each and every one of these 26 kids (Ph. 1:6).

And I see the evidence of His Springtime in my own heart. The last few months have been a rough road of heartache, grief, and loneliness. It has seemed in a way like the winter months that drag on for all eternity. But I am entering a new season now, and as some of the ice melts away, I am starting to see the evidence of what has been growing underneath the surface all along. He's working in me. He's changing me. He's cleansing me.

You see, I believe that my Dad is all about new beginnings. It's like His very heart beats for redemption. He LOVES to redeem. He LOVES to make new. He LOVES to breathe life into things that are dead! Why else do you think He gives us a new day every 24 hours? A new week every 7 days? A new month every 4 weeks? A new year every 12 months?? Opportunity after opportunity to begin again, to start fresh. And I have also found that the truest joy of Spring is dependent upon the long nights of Winter. Those cold, days are what produce in me a new life now beginning. For "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only one seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (John 12:24) And "those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." (Psalm 126:5)

Always Learning

So it is now almost exactly two months since I have written or updated my blog, and I sincerely apologize. I hope to change that and start updating at least once every week or two. So much has happened over the past two months, that it is sometimes hard to know where to begin. I have experienced so much, and I am learning. I guess that's a good way to sum up where I'm at right now- a constant state of learning. There is so much to take in. I'm always just soaking it up, trying to process it and learn. Language, culture, people, children's ministry, responsibilities, sights, history, relationship building... it's been both challenging and rewarding.

One of the biggest challenges has been facing for the first time the loss of a loved one while being away from family. It's challenging to go through the process of grieving the loss of G'pa Ed and trying to heal while being away from home and family. No one else here is facing the same loss, so it is natural for life to go on like normal. However, my heart sometimes falters and stumbles as it tries to move forward with the pace of life and responsibilities. I miss him very much, and it is very lonely at times. But at the same time there is a sweetness about being broken and alone... with Brother. He also was broken and alone. And my feelings of loss and separation cannot even BEGIN to compare with the excruciating degree of isolation my Savior felt as the Father turned his face away and as the Sorrow of the entire world fell on His shoulders while He struggled to take in His last breaths. My Grandpa Ed also died in an excruciating battle for his last breaths, but he used each one intentionally to cheer us up and let us know we were loved. His death was a beautiful picture of the Savior He preached about each Sunday. I wish you all could have known him. He left a legacy of a life lived well.

One of the things I wish I could ask Grandpa about is His boldness in proclaiming the Good News to anyone and everyone who would listen. I remember once on one of my breaks from college, I went out to breakfast with G'ma and G'pa- as was our custom. We went to Pete's Koney Island. As we sat there, enjoying our conversation, a man rolled past our table in a wheelchair. He was a little rough looking around the edges- deep, hard wrinkles in his face, rough skin, and a baseball cap. But boy, did he want to talk. It seemed he was just starving for someone to listen to him. He rolled up and down the restaurant, saying hi to people at the booths. Most of them just ignored or said a quick hello and quickly stuffed another bite in their mouths to look busy or occupied. Then he got around to our booth. Immediately, he looked comfortable there. Because there was Grandpa, just smiling and nodding in assurance that he was listening. I kept waiting for Grandpa to wrap up the conversation with this man so we could get back to our breakfast together. But instead, he kept asking HIM questions to keep the talk going. He asked the man about himself, his interests, his life. I have to admit, I was a bit miffed because I had plenty that I wanted to tell my Grandma and Grandpa... and I wanted to get back to our visit. After all, I was only home for a week or two. But I distinctly remember, after several minutes of conversation, Grandpa Ed looked straight into the eyes of this quarky old man and asked him clearly by name, "Do you know Brother?" I do not remember the man's exact response, but I will never forget that moment. My Grandpa Ed never wanted to waste any opportunity. Where others may have seen a looney old man, Grandpa saw a lost soul. And I want that kind of boldness. If Grandpa were still here, I'd ask him how to get that kind of boldness in speech. And I think he would tell me, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault..." My Grandpa truly lived out Romans 1:16- He was never ashamed of the Good News because he knew it was the power of Dad for salvation.

Even through the challenges and lonely moments of a healing heart, Dad has given me so much.

Over Christmas, I was able to visit Mt. Sinai and the Red Sea. What a neat experience to be able to climb to the top and look down into the valley and imagine the whole nation of Israel, waiting for Moses to come back down so they could hear what the Dad of Israel had to say. It made the whole story come alive in a different way- feeling how the people must have felt trying to climb around those huge rocks in the steaming hot sun with their women and children and animals. I can understand a little more now why the people were so whiny sometimes. I think I would have been too. We were also able to ride down the beach of the Red Sea on some camels. How fun is that? :) What an amusing animal they are.

Over Coptic Christmas (Jan.7th, the day the Coptic Christians celebrate) I was able to travel with my Egyptian friends Najwa and Nadia to spend the day with their friend Fariel's family. It was a lovely day of just visiting, sharing food and playing with their two adorable kids. That is one fun thing to observe- no matter how crazy or different most things are in this foreign culture, KIDS will always be the same. I sat there watching the little 4 year old girl in her pigtails, playing with her Dad- asking him (in Arabic) to lift her up so she could touch the ceiling, and remembered doing that with my own Dad. And even though they speak a completely different language, their language of love is still the same. It is during these times- just sitting there holding these precious children close, listening to this little girl recite the whole 23rd Psalm in Arabic with her face all lit up- these are the moments that I feel my heart healing just a little bit more.

February 1st was also a new and fun cultural experience. My very first Egyptian wedding, I got to be a part of the bridal party! :) A co-worker and friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. It was a fun experience- being the only foreigner in the bridal party and having absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do. The ceremony was so different than ours at home. NO rehearsal- you just fly by the seat of your pants. :) The bride and bridesmaids were 30-40 minutes late, and I was the only one there when we were about to start. We followed her down the aisle and randomly found a place to stand up front. The whole service was in the Coptic language and they gave the bride and groom these little robes and crowns to wear. They looked like King and Queen. Everyone got up and walked around throughout the whole ceremony- going up to take pictures of everything going on. So comical. At one point, the groom leaned over to me and asked me to go find an English Bible. I was a little hesitant to wander about the church during the ceremony, so we sent someone else. And when we finally found one, they set it on the bench and never used it! Anyway, all that to say, I am learning, and learning, and learning. :) Sometimes it gets overwhelming, but Dad is faithful always to bring me back to the simplicity of life. Keep asking Him about me when you think about it! And thank you so much for your faithful support. Don't forget to share YOUR stories with ME. I love story time! Especially when it has to do with Dad's work in people's lives. Keep them coming.

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel...

So a few weeks ago, I began to hunger for a deeper knowledge of my Father. I started intentionally praying that I could identify with my Brother in a way I never have before. And then I started to think about what it means to identify with J. JC was a man of deep, deep suffering. Throughout his ministry on Earth, he lived life fully. He rejoiced with the greatest possible joy. He mourned with the greatest possible grief. He felt every pain. He knew every emotion. He longed with the most intense possible longing. Isn't it amazing that the Creator of the Universe chose to experience life on Earth in such a real and tangible way? His life was probably as far from comfortable as one could imagine. So when I pray to identify with my Brother, I guess what I'm really praying for is a more uncomfortable life. To know the depth of His love and grace, I must share in His suffering as well. Like Paul in Philippians 3, I must learn to cry "I want to KNOW C and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering, becoming like Him in His death, and so somehow attain to the resurrection of the dead."

It's a very scary prayer to pray... but rewarding.

I started to pray that, and the Father answered me.

The next week my dear, dear Papa Ed went to the hospital with a blood clot in his lung. Because of his lung disease, he already could not breathe well. He's been in and out of the doctors offices and hospitals for several years, but this time... his lungs weren't strong enough.

He was in intensive care for several days, and could not talk much. After about 3 days of fighting to breathe, he took his last hindered breath. And then he woke up with my Brother, and breathed his first real breath of celestial air. What a beautiful thing for my dear Grandpa...

But boy, has it been hard. I miss him so much, and OH, HOW MY HEART ACHED.... with an ache I don't think I've ever quite experienced before. The ache of not being able to hug him goodbye or be physically there with my family, or attend his memorial service. It seemed so quick and sudden- so unfair. Like he was just taken from me. It was not right in my eyes. My dear, funny, and spunky Grandpa who loved me unfailingly throughout my entire life, has always been one of my biggest fans, and has never failed to put a smile on my face, ever... I couldn't accept the fact that he was dying and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless, and my heart just ached... However, though I was far away from home and everything familiar, I was not alone. Though it sure felt like it sometimes when I curled up in bed at night and cried myself to sleep... my Brother never left my side. He never has before in my entire life. And even the times I've been angry at Him, he just sits there and loves me. He's been there.

Over the past couple weeks since Grandpa died, I've felt many times like I have failed this test of my faith. But I am learning that it's a process. Sometimes your heart breaks, but as long as it breaks inside Brother's caring hands, it will only be stronger when He puts it back together. There is a new strength there, that may not have been as obvious before it broke.

My heart is very much still healing. Death is not a natural thing, nor was it ever meant to be. But it has been conquered. I have a hope. A hope that cannot be taken away from me. It is the knowledge that I can be certain I will see Grandpa again. I can hug him again. That he is more alive now than he ever has been. And more than all of that, that my Brother is coming back for me. He's coming back, friends. To some it's a terrifying thought. To me it is a deep anticipation and longing... This Christmas I am praying more than ever, "O Come, O Come Emmanuel...." and thanking my Brother for hearing and answering my prayers and granting me the honor of sharing in His sufferings.

One Month and Smiling

So today was November 20th. I have officially been in Egypt for one month now. It's hard to imagine that. It doesn't seem so long, but today I think I hit a small turning point in regards to my feelings about life here. As I was walking home from another day/evening of Friday services at Maadi Community Church, I looked up at the sky and actually saw a star, shining brightly with a couple dimmer ones beside it. I thought to myself, there ARE nights that are clear enough to see a star or two. Then I felt the cool breeze, and it was just the perfect temperature. Had it been a little earlier in the day, I would have gotten slightly hot and mildly sweaty on my 25 minute walk home... but as long as the sun was sleeping, it felt just right. On my left, there was Skip- the man who opened up his home to me here in Cairo. He and his wife Bonnie are workers in Egypt and share the same passion for those who do not know our Brother. To my right was Saber, their 16 year old, adopted son, on his bright orange bicycle he loves to ride here and there. As I walked with them, I took a deep breath and realized for the first time that I have been here, I was quite content.

The overwhelming shock of being here and not knowing the language or culture is starting to fade- gradually, slightly... and its not gone, but in it's place, the Father is leaving behind new blessings.

I smile as I think about the movie we watched with a few of our kids tonight at MCC. We were watching the movie, "UP" while the adults were in a business meeting... and we have a little boy named Jonathan who looks just like the little boy scout Russell in that movie... Same chubby cheeks and big wide-eyed expressions. I laughed as I saw him glued to the tv screen watching a character just like himself battle off crazy dogs and evil men, alongside his strange rainbow-colored bird companion. :) Oh, the life and innocence of a child.

I smile at the thought of Suzy- a little down-syndrome girl who glues herself to me during the opening session of the kids program. Completely content and happy as long as she's attached to your arm or sitting by your side.

I smile when I think about Abdu, the friendly security guard for our building who I met for the first time when I was turned around and kept passing my own place. He saw me wandering about and ushered me in. And laughed about it every time I saw him afterward. Every morning he greets me in Arabic, and every morning I feel a little more confident about my ability to understand what he is saying and answer back. And boy is he thrilled when I do!

I smile when I think of Magdee, the shy, timid, and meek Egyptian man on MCC's property staff who washes dishes and empties garbages and barely says more then hello or how are you to most of the "foreigners" on staff. Always gentle; always smiling... but never opening up. But this past week, I have spoken to him, and he has talked with me. He has opened up about his family, his life... and really started to come out of his shell.

In the midst of a slightly confusing, many times overwhelming time of transition, my Father has put a smile on my face. He is answering your prayers, and giving me moments of joy and new blessings that really start to cover up the fear and loneliness my heart aches with sometimes. I do not think I will ever stop aching for and missing those that I love, but I am starting to see glimpses of joy and new life that He is springing up in the desert. And they are a lovely and refreshing sight. Your prayers, my friends, are felt and experienced in a very real way. Thank you. Please keep them coming. You are appreciated and loved.

Arabian nights

So, In my childhood days, I used to be quite captivated by Disney Movies. Actually, not much has changed in that respect. But with each new movie, I went through a new phase. When Beauty and the Beast came out, my sister and I would pretend that she was Belle and I was the Beast. We had the coolest little capes/cloaks that we used to wear- a blue one for Belle and purple for the Beast. For hours at a time, we were in a different world- a mysterious, adventurous one full of drama and excitement. When Aladdin came out, my friends and I would pretend at recess. I was Aladdin, running through the market places, trying to skate past the guards on the newest adventure. Jasmine was always by my side as I made daring attempts to protect her from those pursuing us. And of course, my loyal friend Abu was never far behind. :)

Well, now, here I am in Egypt, and I just had a flashback to my childhood days. This weekend I went to the Khana Kilili... a giant Egyptian marketplace with so many merchants at their booths selling their various knick-knacks and treasures. They called out as we passed by, trying anything to grab our attention and get us to look at their section of trinkets and crafts. "Towel- one million dollar!" lol. "Spices! Fine Exotic spices!" Everyone jumping at once. Among the announcements of items for sale, I heard several times,"Egyptian Husband?!" lol.

Actually, the things they said were quite humorous. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Welcome! Welcome to the land of confusion!

2. Oh, hello Snow White!!

3. What are you looking for? Are you looking for me??

4. What are you looking for? (Me: Nothing!) OH, I HAVE NOTHING! Medium-size!!!

5. You are an angel that fell from da sky!

6. HOLA!! (Me: Do I look Spanish??) and then NI HAO! (umm... Chinese?)

7. (This has to be one of my favorites) Seeing that we were American, the man yells out...

"OBAMA! OBAMA IS IN HERE!!" (Lol...)

Yes, the Khana Kilili is quite the cultural experience, and not only that, I was told that market place scene from Disney's Aladdin is based off of this very market. After having been there, it didn't surprise me. So for all of you fellow Disney fans, you ought to come to Cairo! :)

So after my market place experience, I indulged my childlike urge to watch Aladdin. It was a fabulous Arabian night.