This past week was a crazy one for me. Monday night life group, Tuesday night high school youth group, teaching Wednesday night at Middle School youth group, Thursday my last Arabic lesson for this level, and Friday and Saturday I had to run both services this weekend for the kids. I also was planning a Kidzone Teachers' meeting after the service Friday, just to be able to hear how things have been going and what needs/suggestions the teachers have for their individual classes.
I knew last Sunday, at the beginning of the week that it was going to be a crazy one, and I knew I would need extra strength and enabling from the Lord to accomplish everything that needed to be done. But did I prepare myself for it? Not really. You know that parable in Luke, chapter 14 about the man who sets his mind on building a great tower? And Luke says that of course if someone is going to build a great big tower, he would first sit down and estimate the cost and resources required to complete it. Well, I guess I wasn't the smart builder in this case. I knew I'd probably need a little more grace this week, a little touch more of patience, a much greater ability to focus, and a great level of energy than normal. I often know those things ahead of time, but what do I do about it?
Well, last week I simply chose to take things as they came. I made a giant to do list and started trying to work through them. Some nights I had to stay up late, so in the morning I'd roll out of bed and try to start all over again- my brain still swimming with thoughts and checklists. I just went through the week trying to keep my head above water. Finally, Thursday rolled around and my brain had taken in about as much as it could handle. I went through my to do list for the day and NOTHING was working. Every little thing was going wrong. I grew more and more frustrated. And instead of reminding myself that it's God's work and He will accomplish it, I kept fighting to survive. I tried even harder. And again, it was like there was a little invisible man following me around, thwarting or spoiling everything I put my hand to. And at the end of the day, I was about ready to scream into my pillow!
Sometimes I think I get so busy with "doing God's work" and "finishing my tasks" that I run on autopilot and think that it's all up to me to accomplish everything. I picture myself struggling in my own efforts- tiring myself out, toiling long, etc. and then there is God, who is just holding His strong hand on my head to hold me down and keep me from moving forward. Just until I am still enough to realize, I've just been wasting my energy running in place.
I work up a sweat and breath unnecessarily hard, until finally I look up into the face of a God who has graciously extended His hand upon my head to keep me where I am so that I can realize the futility of running on my own. He just wants me to look into His face and rest.
Knowing all that had to be done, I should have, like the wise builder, sat down and thought about what I would need to build. If I had, I would have realized that in order to function in God's strength and by His power, I'd need more time with Him. My work is nothing apart from Him. He is what gives it life, meaning, and purpose. He breathes, and brings life. He speaks, and brings things into being.
So this week, I guess its back to the drawing board. I'd like to be a little more prepared this week. Perhaps that begins with going to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier for a time of focused prayer with the expert builder? Guess I'm already failing that one tonight. ;) So ya, I guess this is goodnight?!!
